Dear Beth,

I’m so glad you don’t exist

Markokenya
3 min readMar 1, 2024

Dear Beth,

Your character in Yellowstone is magnetic, compelling, odious and completely addictive to viewers of the Yellowstone series. Your tragic past, your canine devotion to your father, your alcoholism, your broken sexuality, your propensity for violence, your vindictive streak, your conniving and your brilliance in reading people’s character — all these things combine to make you the most fascinating and talked-about character on television in recent years.

We watch Yellowstone in rapt focus as we’re immersed into a world of cowboy tradition, grit, hard knocks and the conflict between old school American cowboy life and the waves of incoming tourist settlers, enchanted by Montana but unaware of the dangers that lurk. We almost believe that the real Montana has families like the Duttons who will blow up your home and shoot you, either driving you out of their state or killing you as a message to your friends: don’t come to Montana. It’s a fabulous fantasy, beautifully illustrated on a backdrop of stunning countryside, authentic-looking farms and homes (one is actually in Utah) and men and women dressed in costumes we don’t see in the rest of America except maybe at Halloween or at a LGBTQ festival. We’re pulled into the narrative and we almost side with the Duttons, so fierce is their fight against these evil billionaires coming in from California, buying up real estate and driving their Mercedes G-Wagons to go fly fishing. We almost want your outlaw cowboy family to defeat the law-abiding citizens you view as the enemy.

Sadly for you, Beth, and happily for the rest of us, you and your family don’t exist. The whole Dutton family is an elaborate fantasy and no such family exists in Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, the Dakotas, etc. There’s no need for a New Yorker or Californian transplant to worry as they fly in and jump into their Range Rover to get to their second home. They won’t encounter armed horsemen barging in to force them at gunpoint to sign away their property deed. They won’t get shot at as they drive into town to shop for clothes or meet their lawyer to get an update on their build project.

The real Montana is friendly. Realtors, lawyers, wealth managers, concierge services providers left and right are ready to help wealthy tourists find a spot to rent, buy, build, invest, whatever the customer wants. You may meet an angry local who looks and sounds like the cowboys you see in those Yellowstone bar fight scenes, but these guys have no clout, no money and really no way of obstructing the march of wealth as it continues to fall in love with America’s beautiful Rocky Mountain states, and wants to see what it can buy.

Beth, the real world version of you is either long-ago bought an paid for, happy to spend the money buying Gucci bags, or she’s poor and angry because she never did own land or have money. Your anger has no effect on the transplants or the sellout locals. The buying, building and settling by out-of-state transplants continues. You can swing a punch at a bar, but you’ll land in jail. You can yell abuse at a visitor helicoptering in to visit a farm, but they don’t care.

Watching Yellowstone was fun. It almost got me to sympathize with the cowboy’s lot, though ultimately I was just being entertained by the writer’s yearning for a bygone world. Watching you and your family wreak revenge on your enemies was pure entertainment, and we all appreciated the depth of the characters, the great acting and the beautiful scenery. We’re also very happy knowing that there’s no Dutton family in the real world.

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Markokenya

San Francisco geek, entrepreneur, wannabe economist, mediocre equestrian