Dating adventures, and more pain

Telling on myself, hoping to help someone

I’m in a world of pain, since my beautiful and devastatingly smart and kind and funny partner ended our relationship. I’ll offer some thoughts on our journey, my journey, and online dating, in the hope that some of this may be helpful to someone.

Backdrop

I lost my beautiful wife last December, after 17 years of blissful marriage, helping raise her two sons, many wonderful adventures, and some bad moments, we always loved and respected each other, never had to un-say or un-do a mean act. She survived a brain hemorrhage and was left in a seriously disabled state for two years, eventually dying of complications. I had been a lonely caregiver for two years and two months. I lost my company while taking care of her, unable to balance work and care. I was now alone and grieving, quite confused, and feeling that a companion would be a great thing to fill the empty in my life.

In January, my loneliness overwhelmed any thought of propriety or decorum, and I went on Bumble, Match and Tinder in search of a companion. It was a selfish motivation, as I had little to offer and a lot…